#51 - Change

I am exhausted of running,

Always away from and never towards.

Any doubts I had about that way to live,

I silenced with my own words.

For if I do nothing,

Nothing I do can be said to be wrong.

But to simply refuse to choose,

Can only go on for so long.

I found something wrong

With every choice and every path.

I ran from every battle,

Afraid of the aftermath.

Even my fights with myself,

I escaped with a sleight of hand.

Hiding myself from myself

In ways even I didn't fully understand.

I thought if I don't participate,

Nobody can say that I lost.

But my own chances at every win,

That is the price it cost.

I hid my own doubts,

With moralistic grandstands.

I judged other peoples choices

Not knowing why they stand where they stand.

But I'm ready to take it on now,

And see what I can do.

I'm ready to stop fleeing,

And find a place to run to.

After years on the sidelines

I'm jumping into the race.

After years of blacks and whites

I'm embracing my greys.