#97 Shrinking spans

You know how sometimes life finds a way

to throw at you the exact thing you were looking for

and all you can do is catch it?

No, actually that's not entirely true,

You have to be paying attention too.

And that brings me to what I was looking for.

I think I've lost something,

And I think it's something important -

My attention.

Even as I write this line, my hand reaches for my phone

I laugh at the irony

And lament it too.

Anyway,

Life threw some things at me

And asked me to pay attention

Or pay the price.

And here's what stuck.

One day I was on my usual scroll

Through my Instagram feed.

I came across a post on the cause and effect of mindless scrolling on the mind.

Something snapped

And I deleted the app immediately,

Like a little boy naively pulls a blanket over himself

Thinking it'll keep him safe from the monsters of the world.

A few days later,

In my third hour of perusing the scrolls of YouTube

I came across a video of five people.

Social media influencers, no less,

Sitting and discussing the perils of social media

And shrinking attention spans.

I don't know what else they spoke about,

The video was too long and I moved on.

Somehow, a day later, I exited this rabbit hole too.

Still, it kept coming to me.

I was on Spotify this time,

With a new favorite podcast

Talking about the art of cinema

That I suddenly discovered I had time for.

The host unwittingly brought up a rather familiar but touchy topic

He spoke of the rapid pace of movies today,

Of frequent cuts from shot to shot,

Asking the audience, begging them

To stay with the film for each one minute more,

And not jump ship from the silver screen

To the tiny one in their pocket.

I think back to when I could once sit still

With just one book.

Not remembering to eat.

Not reaching for anything else.

Not checking the time.

Not stopping to Google one thing and my mind jumping from tab to tab like a digital monkey.

Not choosing that exact moment to remember the 23 other tasks I'd ignored

(Also because I couldn't pay attention to them when I needed to).

Not needing to remind myself to focus.

Not needing to struggle.

Not needing anything else.

I can only hope I haven't lost it forever.

I can only hope.

And there's just one thing that gives me a little bit of that.

I also thought I'd lost the ability to write,

But look, I found it again through this piece.

So maybe I'll find this one too one day.

For now,

I wait.